


Square

by felineranger



Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: But mostly porn, F/F, F/M, Foursome - F/F/M/M, M/M, Pages of it, Poly Relationship, Porn, Pretty much just porn, Sorry Not Sorry, Wee bit of angst, all the porn, seriously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-11
Updated: 2015-05-02
Packaged: 2018-03-22 09:34:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3723958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/felineranger/pseuds/felineranger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nirvanah doesn't think Lister and Kochanski are getting enough sex.  She resolves to do something about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

                Nirvanah had been with them just over a month when it first came up. Lister had suggested that they do something nice for the girls, and together he and Rimmer had prepared a candlelit meal. Neither of them were spectacular cooks but the gesture had been gratefully received anyway. At the end of an unusually pleasant evening, Nirvanah kissed both Lister and Kochanski on the cheek as she left and casually remarked, “This was nice. We should really all have sex sometime,” before drifting elegantly out the door.

                Lister and Kochanski, who were barely sure of the status of their own sex life as it was, were thrown. They’d been sleeping together on-and-off for a while, but were both reluctant to call it a relationship; Lister too afraid of rejection, Kochanski still clinging to memories of ‘her Dave’. They’d laughed about it nervously after the other two had left. “I’m sure you’d be more than happy to engage in a little after-dinner exercise with Nirvanah,” Kriss had teased, forcing a smile and trying not to sound accusatory. Lister had smirked sheepishly and kissed her forehead, “Hey,” he said, “Don’t be jealous. You know you’re the only girl for me.”

“You mean ‘one’.”

“What?”

“You mean I’m the only ‘one’ for you. Right?” she raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah,” Lister said, but she saw a pinkness in his cheeks that she didn’t think was down to the wine, “Of course.”

 

                Rimmer had been furious, initially. He had known this was too good to be true. Too good to last. Of course this incredible beautiful woman was never going to be content with just him, would inevitably need more than he could give her. He was angry with her, but angry with himself too for daring to believe. Nirvanah had reacted to his emotional storm with calm surprise. “I don’t understand,” she said simply, “Wouldn’t you like to have sex with David and Kristine?”

                This gave Rimmer pause. He’d been angry about the idea of Nirvanah having sex with someone else, he hadn’t given much thought to the idea that he might be involved too. The thought of that left him not so much angry as terrified. Being in bed with Lister, being naked with Lister, the very idea was… “Of course not!”

Nirvanah looked back at him earnestly, “Why not?”

“Because it’s Lister, that’s why!”

“I could have sex with David while you have sex with Kristine, if you’re more comfortable with that.”

Again, Rimmer paused. Well, it wasn’t like he’d never thought about Kochanski that way. She was very attractive. But no, the idea of Nirvanah having sex with Lister didn’t make him feel more comfortable at all. “Why are you so set on this suddenly?” he demanded, changing the subject, “Why can’t you be satisfied with just me?”

“Darling, I am satisfied with you,” she told him soothingly, tugging him down to sit beside her and stroking his curls, “But it would be very selfish of me to keep you all to myself. Whatever arrangement David and Kristine seem to have, I don’t think they’re having the recommended amount of sex. They seem far too agitated and nervous around each other.”

“That’s their problem.”

“Arnie, don’t be so self-centred. It’s not good for their health. They’re our friends, I think we should help them.”

“Screw them.”

“Exactly.”

“No, I meant…Look, even if I agreed with you, which I don’t, things are different here. Sex isn’t like a round of mini-golf for the rest of us. It would make things awkward. They wouldn’t want to anyway. Trust me.”

 

             “What do you think it would be like?” Kochanski asked curiously, tucking her arm beneath the pillow as she lay naked beside Lister.

“Awkward,” Lister replied with a cynical smile.

“Have you ever done anything like that before?”

“Not really,” Lister admitted, “You?”

“No.”

“Not even in your wild off-the-rails days?” he mocked gently.

“No. Nothing like that.”

“Should I be worried? Is the idea of it starting to sound appealing?”

“I’m just trying to imagine what it would be like, that’s all.”

“Shagging Rimmer?”

“Or watching _you_ shag Rimmer,” she reminded him, and yes, there was that blush again. “Or Nirvanah,” she added, to ease his discomfort. It worked. He smiled.

                 “Or, of course,” he reached over and lightly stroked her waist, “You and Nirvanah. Now there’s a pleasant thought.”

“Would you like that?”

“I wouldn’t turn down a front row seat if you were offering it,” he purred suggestively.

“She’s very beautiful, isn’t she?”

“So are you,” Lister told her wisely.

“You creep,” she smiled, “Be honest. You’d enjoy being the filling of that sandwich.”

“C’mon. I may be a creep but I’m not dead.”

“Hasn’t slowed Nirvanah down.”

“Okay. I wouldn’t mind being part of that sandwich.” His hand moved down to the smooth round slope of her bottom, “Or maybe you girls could be the filling and me ‘n’ Rimmer could be the hunky chunks of bread buttering you up.”

“You don’t fancy taking Rimmer for a test drive?” she asked him directly. He squirmed.

“I’m not used to driving stick.”

“Never too old to learn,” she pressed closer to him.

“Would you like that?” he asked, tossing her earlier words back at her.

She smiled tentatively. “Y’know,” she whispered, “I think I would.” She saw a ripple of something in his face and realised he was truly flustered. Somehow that made it even hotter. “I’d love to see you sprawled on your back while Rimmer sucks your cock.” He was pink as candyfloss now, and hard as stone.

“Oh yeah?” he growled, “And what will you and Nirvanah be doing while us boys are busy?”

“We’ll entertain ourselves, don’t you worry.”

                         Lister rolled on top of her and she yielded to him willingly. “You want me to pretend I’m Rimmer right now?” he asked, teasing her with the tip of his cock.

“No,” she ran her hands over his chest, “I want you to pretend you’re you and I’m Nirvanah. Show me what you’d do if she was here right now, and remember,” her lips brushed his ear, “Rimmer and I are watching.”

                         Lister took a swift unsteady breath. “Are we still playing?” he asked her breathlessly, “Or are we seriously thinking about this?”

“Let’s see what Nirvanah thinks when you’re done…”

 

                         A few weeks later the four of them met up in Parrots Bar for drinks and the air crackled with tension. Neither couple had discussed the idea since, with each other or their counterparts, but they all remembered. The only person not on edge was Nirvanah. At the end of the evening, when she enquired if they wanted to return to the quarters that she and Rimmer shared, Lister’s mouth had twitched into a shy smile. “What for?” he asked playfully.

“Whatever you like,” she said openly. Rimmer watched anxiously as Lister and Kochanski shared a look. Kristine raised an eyebrow. Although she didn’t speak, the eyebrow clearly said, ‘What the hell. Let’s see where this goes.’ Rimmer gulped. He hadn’t expected this.

                       Back inside their room, Nirvanah poured wine for everyone. Rimmer necked his and poured another. “I’ll have another too,” Lister held out his glass. Rimmer noticed his hand was shaking very slightly. That was comforting in a way. At least Lister was nervous too about where this was heading. “Yes, you have your drinks,” Nirvanah encouraged, “I’ll extend the bed in case we want to have sex later.” Lister and Rimmer shared a look of mutual incredulity. Neither of them would have ever believed they’d find themselves in this situation together.

                         “You don’t beat around the bush, do you?” Lister joked, as Nirvana pulled the lever that opened the bed out from a cosy double into a kingsize.

“Why should I?” she replied easily, “We’re all adults here. Sex is very natural and very good for the mind and body. Goodness knows you poor things have been starved of it enough over the years.”

“Can’t argue with that,” Lister acknowledged, “But sex…it’s great but shouldn’t it mean something too?”

“You mean love?” Nirvanah asked openly.

“Well,” Lister shrugged awkwardly, “Yeah. I mean…not necessarily love. It doesn’t have to mean that,” he glanced nervously at Kriss, “But it should mean something. It should at least mean that you care for the other person. Or persons. At least a little bit. Right?”

“Well? We all care for each other in this room, don’t we?” Nirvanah smiled warmly.

                             Lister looked at the person sitting on his left and the person sitting on his right, then looked back at Nirvanah. “Yes,” he said. She leaned forward and took his hands “And we can all decide if – and how – we choose to participate in whatever happens next. Can’t we?” Lister swallowed hard. “Yes. Of course.”

“Then that’s settled.” Rimmer watched as she bent forward and kissed Lister softly on the mouth. He tensed. He didn’t know how to feel. He glanced at Kochanski and, from the look on her face, surmised that she felt much the same way. This was hot and exciting, but at the same time it was new and nerve-wracking and more than a little strange. Part of him wanted to see more, part of him wanted to look away. Part of him wanted to jump in, part of him wanted to run and hide. Nirvanah drew back from Lister and, to Rimmer’s surprise, when Lister’s eyes opened they went straight to him. They looked at each other nervously. “Are we doing this?” Lister asked him quietly.          

                Rimmer’s simulated heartbeat sped up. His cock was already well on its way to full glory. “It looks that way,” he said faintly. Lister apparently took that as a yes. He turned to Kochanski and asked the same thing, “We doing this?” She said nothing, but moved forward and kissed him deeply, as if searching for the lingering taste of Nirvanah on his lips. Nirvanah herself smiled happily. She began to undress. “Lovely,” she said, “Now let’s all go to bed.”

                They ended up in a loose tangle on the bed, Kochanski on one side, then Lister, then Nirvanah, then Rimmer on the opposite side. Lister writhed blissfully between the two girls, sharing slow sweet kisses with them both, delighting in the luscious feel of their soft breasts pressing against him, their hands playing lightly over his exposed skin as he held and explored them both. Rimmer, focusing mainly on petting Nirvanah, kept finding his eyes drawn back to Lister. He was a little envious. Rimmer had to put thought and consideration into every movement he made. He had to weigh up every touch. If he didn’t, he knew he’d be the idiot who elbowed someone in the face at the crucial moment; he just _knew_ it. Having sex with one person was complicated enough. But here was Lister, right in the centre of this little party, handling the women either side of him with a natural ease and confidence that Rimmer knew he could never even hope to emulate. He could still see hints of nervousness and shyness in his bunkmate’s eyes, but his movements held none of Rimmer’s self-conscious awkwardness. He felt a gentle nudge as Nirvanah snuggled against him, and realised he’d been neglecting her while his attention was focused on Lister. She smiled at him and he had a moment of panic, thinking he could see a hint of knowing in that smile. Did she think he’d been staring at Lister because...because...because...

                He scooped her close to him and kissed her firmly. He stroked one hand down the length of her back and caressed her bottom. His hand found another hand when it got there. He didn’t dare open his eyes to see who it belonged to.

                Lister lay back against the pillow, eyes closed. There was a soft pair of lips on his, a nifty tongue playing in his mouth, a hand lightly stroking his cock, and it was heavenly, all of it. He let his hands roam, finding his way blindly across the hillocks of breasts and hips and buttocks and into the beautifully silky moist valleys between thighs that opened eagerly at his touch. This was exquisite, but his heart was thrumming with a nervous guilt, and he had to keep reminding himself that they had all agreed to this. All of them. He was not cheating on Kristine. He was not betraying anyone. This was not infidelity. This was not wrong. This was about love. This was about _sharing_ love, and pleasure, and each other, to the benefit of all. He tried to lose himself in feeling, so that maybe he could stop thinking.

                Rimmer felt Nirvanah roll beneath him and moved with her. He kept his eyes squeezed shut. A hand moved gently along the back of his thigh. He didn’t know if it was hers or someone else’s. His cock didn’t care. Yes, better to keep his eyes shut and let his penis deal with all of this. His brain certainly wasn’t ready for the job. He bent his head to kiss and suck at her neck and shoulder. When he lifted his head again, he felt her hand on his cheek and then there were more kisses and a hand on his cock, and he moaned sharply. He felt the thin mattress rock beneath them as someone in the pile shifted their weight and felt new limbs press against him for a moment, then vanish again. This was getting too much. Too much stimulation, too many people, too much everything... He opened his eyes.

                Lister gasped as one pair of lips slipped away from him, and another pair took their place. The kisses were more heated now, more demanding as everyone’s arousal grew. His cock felt enormous, he didn’t think it could possibly get any harder. He thrust his hips upwards and the hands teasing him slowed before resuming their wicked business. The body against him tensed and Lister hesitated at the firm hard feel of it. He opened his eyes.

                Lips still together in a passionate kiss, he and Rimmer looked at each other. For Lister, the sudden shock, the flash of panic, lasted barely a second. He felt Rimmer flinch, maybe even think about pulling away, and made a split second decision. He reached up, curled a hand around the back of Rimmer’s neck and firmly pulled him deeper into the kiss, arching his body against him. What the hell. This felt good. Lister had known where this might lead, Rimmer must have too. Maybe this was even what they’d wanted. He wasn’t sure how Rimmer was going to respond, thought he might yet pull away. But when the tongue dove back into his mouth and the weight of Rimmer’s body came forward to meet his, he felt his heart lift with something more than arousal. He felt small dainty hands between them, taking his fingers and wrapping them around something hot and hard, just as he felt a strong hand being manoeuvred to his own cock. He wondered, very vaguely, if the girls had planned this all along. And then he thought no more, because it didn’t matter. He and Rimmer were wrapped together, mouth to mouth, hip to hip, their bodies grinding together heatedly as they gripped each others cocks, and all else had ceased to matter.

                Nirvanah shared a mischievous smile with Kochanski as they watched their men lose themselves in each other, then leaned over and gave her a kiss. They lay down together beside the boys and Nirvanah kissed her way down to Kristine’s breasts, stopping to mouth gently at her nipples, before working her way down lower still. Kriss took a deep breath as she felt that glorious silky red hair tumble softly over her open thighs and then the warm delicate touch of a nimble tongue against her clit. She moaned breathlessly.

                Lister heard the sound and turned his head. The sight of Kriss squirming with Nirvanah’s head between her legs made his cock pulse fiercely in Rimmer’s grasp and he moaned too. Smeg, he considered himself more than adequate when it came to oral sex but he’d never heard Kriss make a noise like that before. Kriss opened her eyes and they stared at each other for a moment, her still pressing herself up urgently against Nirvanah’s beautiful face, him still having his cock mercilessly pumped by Rimmer, both of them about to have stupendous orgasms with someone other than each other for the first time in years. It was painfully erotic but again Lister felt that pang of uncertainty that this was somehow wrong.

Nirvanah’s mouth continued its work, her lips and tongue skilfully massaging Kristine until she was right on the brink, then she climbed up beside her and tucked their legs together so they could rub satisfyingly against one another. Kriss kissed her, tasting her own juices on those soft rosy lips, loving the feel of the velvety breasts nuzzling hers. They held each other close, moving in sync until the gentle pressure brought them both to an intense orgasm.

Rimmer and Lister both looked up as they heard the girls start to gasp and whimper. “Oh…god…” Lister saw Rimmer’s cheeks burn, felt his cock pulsing against his palm.

“Ha!” Lister panted against his ear, “Knew…I could…outlast you…Smeghead.” He felt the hot tingle of Rimmer’s staticky come pumping over his fingers, then Rimmer’s thumb swiped over the head of his cock in retaliation and his hips bucked as he came too. “Just…barely…you…smug…bastard,” Rimmer grunted out through gritted teeth as he continued to squeeze and milk Lister’s cock through his orgasm. The four of them dozed together in a pile afterwards. It was…nice.

 

                That was the first time. They’d mixed things up a bit the second time, and the time after that. Learning, experimenting, getting to know each other more intimately. Despite Lister’s misgivings, things had remained – for want of a better word – friendly.

 

                One night when they were invited over, Kochanski had her period. “Go,” she told him shortly, pain and hormones making her cranky. “I know you want to. Just go.” Lister hadn’t gone. He’d curled up next to her in the bunk, stroked her hair and held her. She’d cried a little and clung to him, more relieved than she’d expected to be. He’d asked her if she was still happy, if she still wanted to continue with what they’d been doing. She thought it over and said yes. She’d just needed to know that she wasn’t now dispensable in his eyes. He assured her that she wasn’t and would never be. It wasn’t a lie, but he still felt guilty as he said it. Because there was a part of him that had wanted to go, with or without her, and he wasn’t sure what that meant.

                The next time Kochanski got her period, Nirvanah had showed up at the door with a hot water bottle and a box of chocolates. She’d shooed Lister out, telling him to get out from under their feet while they had girly time. This time it was her who spooned Kriss while they watched a movie and Kriss found that she enjoyed it. Nirvanah knew exactly where to rub to help with the aches. Lister had done as ordered and left them to it, but felt a nag of insecurity as the door closed behind him, along with a fresh helping of his old friend guilt as he made his way down the corridor to find Rimmer; because he thought he knew how tonight was going to end, and was that okay? For them to do things together without the girls? He’d been wrong, as it turned out. The night hadn’t ended that way, it had started that way. Within fifteen minutes of leaving his own room, he and Rimmer had been buck naked and sixty-nining on the bed. The night had ended with Rimmer snoring on Lister’s chest, while Lister stroked his hair and wondered if it was wrong that he couldn’t stop smiling.

                The first time Rimmer watched Lister fuck Nirvanah, he’d been torn. He and Kriss had looked on as she’d straddled his lap, clearly taking great delight in sinking slowly down on the thick pillar of his cock. He’d felt jealous, in all kinds of ways, but damn it they looked good together, the two of them. It aroused and infuriated him. He wanted them both. Kriss felt the same. She wanted the delicious stretch of Lister’s cock inside her, but she also wanted to be inside Nirvanah; with her fingers, her tongue, with one of the toys they sometimes used when they felt like it. She and Rimmer had screwed doggy style on the other side of the bed, pretending the choice of position wasn’t so they could watch the pair sharing stage with them.

For Lister, being with Nirvanah felt strange. Good, certainly. Oh, so good. Their bodies fitted each other well and she knew how to make him quiver, knew how to edge him in a way that Rimmer and Kriss had never mastered so well. There was a warmth and playfulness between them too, that Rimmer and Kochanski didn’t have together. Her blue eyes twinkled with naughtiness whenever they were together and it brought out the wickedness in him too. They had a kind of fun that they didn’t with the others, and he suspected he knew why. They loved each other, in an affectionate way, but they were not in love with each other. There was no romance between them, not the way there was in other corners of this little square. Neither of them felt the same connection with each other that they felt with Rimmer or Kochanski (and Lister wasn’t convinced that Rimmer or Kriss had any connection at all beyond mild physical attraction and fondness). It was refreshing from time to time, frankly, to be able to fuck without the feels. They didn’t often search each other out away from these get-togethers and when they did, it was because they needed stress relief. It was because they needed to fuck rather than make love, or simply to vent things they couldn’t vent with the other two; at least not in the same way. And rightly or wrongly, they both felt the air sizzle with sexual jealousy when Rimmer and Kochanski watched them screwing, and Lister both loved that feeling and hated himself for it. It felt good to be wanted. It felt good to be the one who was doing things to the person someone else wanted. It made them both feel desirable, powerful, euphoric. And at the end of it all, when everyone was sated, everyone was satisfied, there were never any hard feelings.

The only drama took place inside Lister’s heart, where a piece of him would always insist that he was fooling himself. He could not be in love with two people at once, it told him. One day you’ll have to choose, it said. If you want them both then you don’t really love either, it insisted. You can’t love them and still feel the way you do when you’re balls deep inside Nirvanah’s beautiful pink pussy and she’s smiling that evil little smile and telling you to hold it because she’s not there yet, still not there, and you’re one breath away from erupting like Krakatoa.

 

He didn’t know how the others felt. He didn’t dare ask.


	2. Chapter 2

Sometimes, Rimmer wished it was still just him and Nirvanah. He missed the simplicity of their relationship, where he understood all the emotions he had, even if they were new and overwhelming. Nobody else made him feel exactly the way she did. Holding her petite frame in his arms, hearing her gasp his name when he was inside her, made him feel strong in a way that he never had in life.  When she whispered words of encouragement, cradled his head against her breasts while he regained his breath after making love, he felt safe. She was his sun and moon and he adored her. It would have been so straightforward if she hadn’t changed things by showing him the stars.

He couldn’t stay away from Lister. That very first time, in the initial moment of rapturous horror when he’d realised who he was kissing, there had still been a chance of escape. He could have scrambled away wiping his mouth and declared the party over. At the very least he could have rolled away and retreated back to the far side of the bed with Nirvanah as a solid barrier between them. But despite his shock and dismay, something had held him in place. Something deep inside had whispered, ‘So that’s what his lips feel like…’ and every nerve in his body had become hyper-aware, cataloguing every millimetre of skin where they were touching, noting how hot and how soft and how hard Lister’s body was, in different places and different ways. When Lister had pulled him closer, when he’d felt the enticing wet heat of that clever tongue and that intriguing body _flexed_ against his, it had all been over.

Being with Lister did not make him feel safe. In fact, it felt more like they were dicing with some dangerous powerful force than having sex. There was too much adrenaline and testosterone, and even when they were gentle it still felt like they were teetering on the edge of some cavernous precipice and about to topple. There was a staggering intensity to their trysts that was both terrifying and addictive. Even when they were alone (in fact _especially_ when they were alone) Rimmer still clung to the competitive front that he’d constructed around this, trying to pretend that this was about sport, about power, about proving who was better. Lister played along. They taunted and mocked each other, sometimes wrestled and fought; and both pretended that they didn’t occasionally let the other win just for the thrill of being conquered. At the end of it they would lie panting side-by-side and those moments were the most frightening of all; when the soft silence and hesitant tenderness in their touches said more than they were willing to say out loud. Sometimes Rimmer hated Lister in those moments. For making him feel these things that were strange and confusing, for making him want this so much that he couldn’t stay away even if he tried. For making him want more things, that still frightened him too much to even suggest. For being the shimmering sparkling hypnotic starlight that Rimmer could not stop chasing.

It spilled over into other areas of their life too. Lister had walked out of the drive room in a huff one day after Rimmer had spent the whole morning criticizing and baiting him. Rimmer was the one who’d been making silly errors but he’d twisted everything around to somehow be Lister’s fault. This wasn’t unusual in itself, but there had been a sharp spitefulness in his remarks that he hadn’t aimed at Lister for some time. Combined with their new level of intimacy, it upset Lister more than it would have done before. He didn’t know that the tight leather trousers he was wearing and the tantalising glimpses of bare skin left exposed by his oversized black t-shirt were the cause of Rimmer’s distraction; and that the stinging insults were Rimmer’s way of trying to hide his desire. It had been fruitless anyway. After Lister had stormed out, Cat had raised a disapproving eyebrow and remarked, “It ain’t his fault you can’t stop staring at him, Goalpost-Head.”

“Mind your own business, Puss-in-Boots.”

                Lister had found himself heading to the quarters Rimmer shared with Nirvanah. She was inside, looking over some star charts, and greeted him with a friendly smile when he entered. He immediately pulled her to him, burying his hands in her soft hair and kissing her firmly. Without a word needing to be said, she began to slip off her clothes. When she was naked in his arms, he grasped her bottom, picked her up and carried her to the table, her legs gripping his waist. Perched on the edge, she unzipped him and peeled his leathers and boxers down to free his erection and expose his buttocks to her greedy hands. The playful squeeze of her fingers on his butt made him growl softly against her mouth. They both opened their eyes and shared a small rascally smile. Up on the table, she sat just a little higher than him. She leaned down so her forehead touched his, the tips of their noses brushing. She kissed him again and spread herself, and he reached inward at the invitation, sliding his hands up the inside of her naked thighs. She was just wet enough for him to slip one finger inside her. His thumb lightly caressed her clit and he kept up the gentle pressure as they kissed, massaging her until she was slick enough to take two fingers, then three with ease. Soon she was squirming under his touch, sucking needily on his tongue and, when he finally stopped teasing and eased the tip of his cock inside her, she pulled him forward eagerly. He went with the motion, sliding in smoothly, filling her all the way before drawing back and then filling her again, thrusting into her more forcefully now. She made a small sound of encouragement and arched her spine, leaning back and opening herself to him more fully. He put an arm around her back to support her, his other hand moving up her body to caress her small pert breasts and stiff pink nipples, all the while keeping his hips moving, maintaining the steady rhythm of his hard deliberate thrusts. Still, she could feel him holding back, could feel the tension hard in the muscles of his arms, shoulders and back, and she bucked up against him, encouraging him to do better and worse. He retaliated in kind, quickening his pace and slamming the full long length of himself into her with each beat of his heart. She moaned blissfully.

                She’d once told Arnold that he made love like a Japanese meal. It was a comparison that still held. With Arnold, each dish was like an intricate and lovingly prepared piece of sushi, carefully thought out and immaculately executed. Lister was a whole different ball game. Making love to Dave Lister was like chowing down on a foot-long hot dog with all the trimmings, with a side order of fries, a shake, and a cookie-dough sundae to finish off. It might not be fancy, but _damn_ it was satisfying and sometimes it was just what the body was craving.

                Reassured by Nirvanah’s moans of pleasure and, finally convinced that she really was both ready and willing to take everything he could give, Lister finally let go of all restraint. He gripped her hips and pulled her tighter to him and she grasped his shoulders to anchor herself as he pounded into her with all his strength. In turn, she ground herself against him eagerly, opening herself wider and tilting herself up at just the right angle to ensure that every single movement he made was hitting the mark both inside and out. Within moments she was surfing the crest of orgasm and she closed her eyes and thanked the stars for whatever quirk of fate had brought these people into her life, because hot damn this was better than any game of tennis. Her fingers pressed into his flesh almost hard enough to hurt as she came, still rocking herself to feel every inch of that magnificent cock inside her. Lister heard her cries of delight, felt the subtle shift between them as her movements became more urgent and demanding and, spurred on by her pleasure, he came too. His hips jerked and he buried himself deep in her, making a deep guttural noise that was a mix of ecstasy, anger, and satisfaction as he erupted. They crumpled down across the table, moist with sweat and panting with exertion.

                After giving him a moment or two to catch his breath, Nirvanah reached up to stroke Lister’s tight soft curls. “What did he do?” she asked gently. Lister looked embarrassed.

“Hey, can’t I just come to you for a wild time when I get the urge?”

“Of course you can,” she told him honestly, “But you don’t.”

Lister’s face grudgingly conceded the truth of this. “He’s been picking on me all day. It got on my nerves.”

“He doesn’t mean it.”

“Then why does he do it?”

“You know why.”

“He’s not like this with you.”

“Because what we have is different. Are you the same with him as you are with Kristine? Or with me?”

“No,” Lister admitted.

Kristine’s name sent a quiver of self-doubt through him. He could have gone to her, she wasn’t on duty today. Instead, he’d gone automatically, without even thinking, to Nirvanah. Why? Out of spite? To subconsciously punish Rimmer?

“What’s that look for?” Nirvanah asked knowingly.

“I’m just wondering if I’m a horrible person.”

“Don’t be a ninny.” She kissed his ear.

“Do you think I’m here to get back at him?”

“No. I think you’re here because you don’t like having sex with Kristine when you’re angry.”

Lister absorbed this. It was true that Nirvanah’s hard-light drive meant that he could play a lot rougher with her than he did with Kochanski. He never had to worry about accidentally hurting her. In fact, if her hard-light drive was anything like as powerful as Rimmer’s, Nirvanah could probably knot his limbs together and turn him into a human pretzel without breaking a sweat. “You go to her when you’re upset,” Nirvanah clarified, still stroking his head soothingly. “When you need comfort and tenderness, and you don’t want to taint that. You come to me when you need to shake away the bad stuff and let off a little steam. When you need a friend.”

A sad smile tweaked Lister’s mouth, “Remind me why I ever go to Rimmer.”

“You go to him when you need a challenge,” she said simply. Lister raised his eyebrows. That had never occurred to him.

                He picked himself up, sliding out of Nirvanah and off the table. He tugged up his trousers and buckled them. “Well,” he said, more buoyantly, “if I had to describe Rimmer in one word, challenging might well be it.”

“Be patient,” Nirvanah sat up, “He’s just scared. He doesn’t know what to do with his feelings for you.”

“This is all kind of new to me too.”

“You’ll get there. Both of you.” She slipped gracefully off the table and started to dress, “Love will find a way.”

“On this ship,” Lister said, amused, “It seems to find all kinds of ways.” He caught her by the waist before he left and kissed her cheek affectionately. “Thank you for being such a good friend.”

                Later that night, Rimmer had reached for his hand under the table at dinner. Lister was never sure if the gesture had come from him, or if Nirvanah had said something. Either way, all four of them had enjoyed an unusually tender session of love-making that night, quarrels forgotten.

 

                It was a night not much later that Lister found himself enjoying an evening in with the two women in his life while Rimmer monitored a meteor shower. The girls seemed unusually frisky, even for them, and what started off as just kissing and cuddling quickly got a lot more heated. Before Lister knew what was happening, he’d found himself being tickled into breathless exhaustion, then tackled by the two of them and pinned down onto the bed. His laughter had taken on a more nervous edge when Nirvanah had slipped off her silk dressing gown and, with some help from Kochanski, used the cord to bind his wrists to the headboard.

                Excited but uncertain, Lister looked up at his two beautiful captors. “Okay, ladies, ya got me. Now what?”

“Don’t be scared, Dave,” Kriss stroked his chest, “We’ll be nice to you.”

“Look at that little face,” Nirvanah teased, putting her arms around Kristine, “He doesn’t know what to do.”

“But we know what to do with him, don’t we?” Kriss teased his nipples and he wriggled. Nirvanah gently grasped his cock and stroked it upwards. His hips lifted off the bed. They began to take turns kissing him and sucking on his cock, occasionally stopping to kiss and caress each other, while Lister squirmed helplessly beneath them. After a while Kriss gave Nirvanah a sultry smile, “I don’t know about you, but I’m getting a little bit bored with him now.”

“I think you’re right,” Nirvanah said with a devious smile, “He’s getting far too much attention.”

“Hey,” Lister protested, his voice trembling, “Don’t you dare just wander off and leave me here.”

“As if we would do that,” Kriss said with mock indignation.

“We won’t go anywhere,” Nirvanah told him as she stroked Kochanski’s hair and began to lovingly caress her breasts, “We’re going to stay right here so you can watch.”

                Lister moaned as the two began to kiss above him. “Oh, you like this?” Nirvanah asked him, “You like seeing your girlfriend’s lovely lips against mine?”

“Which lips?” Lister quipped hoarsely. They giggled and tumbled down onto the mattress beside him. The sight of them made Lister’s cock strain with frustration. He watched entranced as the soft mounds between their legs nuzzled cosily together, getting tantalising glimpses of the tender flesh within, the rosy blush that was Nirvanah and the paler pink that was Krissie. Unconsciously, his tongue went to his lips. He knew them both so intimately that he could practically taste them, taste the slick juices shining inside their pale thighs. He watched longingly as one of Nirvanah’s long slim fingers tenderly stroked Krissie’s vulva, making her moan and tremble; and making Lister’s cock leak a single tear of jealousy. “You’re right,” Nirvanah whispered to him, “Those lips are beautiful too.” He gritted his teeth. Dammit, he couldn’t even touch himself to end this torture. He keened with frustration and tugged at his bindings. They looked up nonchalantly. “I think he’s getting bored,” Kriss murmured to Nirvanah between kisses.

“Well, then maybe we should give him something more interesting to watch.” Nirvanah stood up and went to the locker. Lister watched her, his eyes following her round bottom as she crossed the room. She leaned into the locker and he got another peek at the plump petals gleaming between her legs. She came back carrying a double-ended strap-on.

                “Oh, c’mon,” he pleaded, eyes wide, “Gimme a break.”

“Don’t you want to watch?” Kriss teased.

“I want to _join_ _in_.”

“You will,” Nirvanah promised him with a naughty smile, “All in good time.” Lister scowled. He knew well that the girls used sex toys together, but it tended to be something they kept between the two of them. They’d never used them when they were with the boys before, and he’d arrogantly assumed it was because they didn’t need them. Now he was wondering if it was more to do with protecting their fragile egos. He and Rimmer certainly didn’t use any sex aids together. Smeg, they could still barely touch each other without embarrassment, let alone spice things up with toys. “You know,” he told them jealously, “For posh totty, you two can be really filthy.”

“That’s why you love us,” Nirvanah patted his stomach.

Kochanski leaned down and gently kissed the side of his neck, “ _Never_ underestimate posh totty, Dave.”

                He watched, both annoyed and spellbound, as Nirvanah eased one end of the pink rubber dildo up into herself and fastened the straps around her waist, then knelt over Kriss and began to slowly and deliberately guide the other end into her. His cock twitched painfully. “Oh smeg,” he moaned, “You two are gonna kill me with this.”

“Instead of complaining maybe you should take notes,” Kriss told him breathlessly as Nirvanah began to circle her hips.

“Trust me, babe. I am taking notes,” Lister told her, watching intently.

                They took their time, stringing it out, making each other and Lister wait for fulfilment. When they’d both enjoyed a deep shuddering orgasm, Lister piped up. “My turn now?” he asked hopefully, “Pretty please?” The girls shared a smirk.

“You heard him,” Kriss said, “He wants a turn.”

“I think he’s earned it,” Nirvanah agreed, “He’s been very patient.”

She crawled over to Lister and straddled him, giving him a kiss. He felt the weight of the dildo, still wet from Kriss, against his own cock and rubbed himself against it hungrily. “You know that Arnie loves you desperately, don’t you?” Nirvanah told him tenderly between kisses. “Even if he won’t say it.”

“He’ll get his turn later,” Lister whispered back, barely listening.

“You love him too, don’t you?” Lister hesitated before answering, stealing a look at Kriss. She was smiling tenderly, still basking in her afterglow. Her pink cheeks and tousled hair made her look divine. “No more than anyone else,” he said defensively.

“Stubborn boy,” Kriss rolled closer and kissed him, “It’s okay. You can say it, I won’t be angry. We’re long past jealousy in this thing.”

                Lister wanted to believe that was true, but it wasn’t. _She_ might be past jealousy, maybe because she didn’t feel as strongly about him as he did about her, but he wasn’t there yet. And he wasn’t sure that Rimmer was either. He didn’t think Kriss minded him fucking Rimmer or Nirvanah, she was certainly happy to fuck either or both of them herself, but the L-word was something else altogether. He hadn’t told her he loved her, he didn’t want to say it about someone else first. That felt wrong. Even if it was true. He looked away from her and back up at Nirvanah, who was still straddling him with a devious expression. “Can we try and keep this simple and just, y’know, focus on the matter at hand?” he suggested evasively. He saw the two of them share a look of exasperation.

“This is about the matter at hand,” Nirvanah told him, not willing to be derailed. “I want to know how much you love him. What you’d be willing to do for him. Because I know there’s something he wants. I think you know too.” She rubbed the strap-on against Lister’s cock meaningfully. Lister caught his breath. He felt his face heat up. _Oh_.

If he was totally honest with himself, there’d been times when he’d watched Rimmer with the girls, watched the length of that elegantly curved cock moving in and out of them with such carefully considered precision, and wondered how that must feel. But, smeg, they were still so shy around each other, and so far they’d done nothing but oral and mutual masturbation. They’d never even talked about going further. But then, there were a lot of things they didn’t talk about…

“Do you see what I’m getting at?” Nirvanah asked him, stroking his cock.  

“He hasn’t asked,” Lister said flatly. He tried not to look at those pale dainty fingers pulling expertly at the swollen might of his cock. He was so big and her hands were so small that she could barely wrap her fingers right around it, but god she knew what to do with what she could hold onto.

“He wouldn’t. But if he did, how would you feel about that?”

“I don’t know,” he said, his voice shaking, “I’ve never tried it.”

“You can try it now,” she whispered, shifting her hips. She eased herself between his thighs and he instinctively drew his legs back. He felt the head of the dildo against his entrance. His head was swimming. He was so turned on, but also nervous. “Oh god,” he said, “I don’t know. I don’t know.”

“You know it’s only a matter of time, Dave,” Kriss said beside him teasingly, “I know you won’t hold out on him forever. You’re much too soft.”

“I’ll be gentle with you. Get you warmed up for him. If that’s what you want.” Nirvanah’s voice was soft and persuasive. Lister was rattled.

“Look, if I decide I want to, it’s because _I_ want to,” he said irritably, “Not because I’m doing it for him. It doesn’t mean anything. It doesn’t mean I love him. Okay?”

“But you do want to?” she asked, smiling. He paused for just a second.

“Will it hurt?”

“Maybe just a little at first,” Nirvanah cooed, “But then it will feel wonderful.”

“She’ll be more gentle than Rimmer, I have no doubt. She’s good with that thing. Trust me.” Kriss told him.

                Lister closed his eyes. His cock was throbbing, his hands were bound, and he knew there was probably no future ahead of him that didn’t involve this act in some form or another. Right now he was as horny as he’d ever be and there was no time like the present. “Okay,” he breathed, “Okay. But just one thing.” He opened his eyes and sought out Kochanski’s eyes. “Kriss. I want Kriss to do it.” He saw her raise her eyebrows.

“Okay,” she said, “If you’re sure.”

“Yes,” he insisted.

Kriss crawled over and eagerly took up position while Nirvanah helped slip the shaft inside her and buckle it tight again. Lister stared up at her worshipfully. She smiled at the mixture of need and apprehension in his eyes. “I guess this is how I repay you for all the times you gave me the pleasure of this magnificent specimen.” She fondled his cock and he arched his back with a whimper.

“Oh. Oh, please…” He’d been teased so much already, he could hardly stand it.

                The next few moments involved hot fingers and cool slick lubricant in places he’d never expected to feel them. He heard Nirvanah whisper in his ear, “Clench as tight as you can,” and obeyed, even though he was confused. Wasn’t that the opposite of what he should be doing? The wisdom of her advice became clear when moments later she whispered, “Now relax…” and he felt the round tip of the dildo push into him. He drew in a sharp breath through his teeth and clenched again automatically. “It’s in,” Kriss whispered to him.

“That’s the worst part,” Nirvanah reached down and stroked his stomach gently, “Are you okay?”

“This…feels…so…weird,” he said breathlessly.

“Do you want me to stop?” Kriss asked.

“No. No. Just give me a second.” When he thought he’d come to terms with the unfamiliar feeling of being stretched, he let out his breath. “Okay.”

“Okay.” Kriss nudged forward and his hands curled into fists as the dildo slid deeper into him, slowly filling him up. His thigh muscles trembled as he spread his legs wider for her, and holy moon and stars, this felt so _strange_.

Kriss kissed his lips lightly. “You are doing so well,” she told him.

“So well,” Nirvanah echoed. Lister made a small whinnying sound. The feeling of being penetrated was still so new and overwhelming all on its own, but the gentle exquisite friction inside him as Kriss started to move was something he’d never imagined. “Look at me,” she whispered to him. She kept the motion gentle and shallow, keeping him stoked, the same way Nirvanah did when she was riding his cock, keeping him on that delicious plateau where it felt like the pleasure would be never-ending. “I love you, Dave.”

“Really?” he gasped. It was the first time she’d said it.

“Really.” She stroked his chest lightly.

“This is not…how I ever imagined…hearing you say that.” He told her breathlessly. She laughed softly and swivelled her hips. The dildo pressed against something inside him that made him see stars. He surprised even himself when he heard his own voice gasp out, “Harder!”

“You sure?” she asked him carefully.

“Yes,” he insisted, “Yes.”

                Her thrusts became a little firmer and he moaned. He felt her hands, warm and tender on his chest. It was wonderful and delicious to be fucked by a woman like this; to be open to her, so utterly at her mercy, and yet still feel all the sweet gentleness that came with a woman’s touch. It was beautiful and he didn’t want it to stop. But he couldn’t lie to himself; he’d never wanted Rimmer more. His whole body was craving him right now like a drug. He wanted to feel the weight and strength of him between his thighs, wanted more power behind the thrusts driving him to the brink, wanted that edge of roughness that they had when they fucked together. Smeg, he just wanted _Rimmer_. And he hated himself for it.  

As if reading his mind, Kriss leaned over him, “A dildo never feels _quite_ the same, you know,” she whispered, “You’ll see what I mean when Rimmer gets here. When you feel him inside you. When it’s another person and not just a chunk of rubber and plastic.” Lister trembled at the thought. Rimmer. Rimmer’s cock. In him. Making him feel like this. It was too much to even imagine; but her words filled him with ambivalent emotions. Kriss might not be as skilled or experienced as Nirvanah, but he’d asked for her because he needed to include her, needed her to be part of this in some way, but also needed to see how she really felt. Her words sounded like a blessing and she was clearly enjoying this, but she clearly also realised that it wasn’t about her. She was preparing him for Rimmer, so that he and Rimmer could be closer, and she seemed okay with it. What did that mean? That she didn’t really care as much as she said she did? Did it mean that maybe he was allowed to be okay with this too?

                As if he’d been waiting for that exact moment, the door whooshed open, and Rimmer walked in. He stopped open-mouthed at the sight that greeted him. “Arnie,” Nirvanah stood up and kissed him, “I hope you’re not too tired to join us.”

“This is…new,” Rimmer remarked faintly, watching Kochanski’s movements as if hypnotised.

“Don’t be jealous,” Kriss remarked, smiling playfully over her shoulder at him, “Varni and I have had our fun. It’s your turn.” She bent down and gave Lister a gentle kiss then slipped the dildo out of him and crawled off the bed. Lister barely noticed her go. His eyes were fixed on Rimmer as steadily as Rimmer’s were fixed on him. “Are you…?” Rimmer croaked uncertainly, “Can I…?”

“Come here,” Lister said to him deliriously, “Please just come here.”

                In an instant Rimmer’s clothes were gone, and Lister knew he only pulled that snazzy trick when he was super-horny. Normally he liked to maintain the illusion of humanity, and the suspense that undressing normally gave proceedings. The mattress bounced as he landed on top of Lister and kissed him. Lister lifted himself up to rub against him. His cock pressed against Rimmer’s stomach and he bit his lip with a moan. He was so close now, so sensitive that anything might set him off, but he needed this. Needed them to be together before this was over. “Can I?” Rimmer whispered again, a note of pleading in his voice.

“Yes,” Lister whispered back to him, “For smeg’s sake, yes, do it.”

                He was still well-lubricated from the dildo and even despite the swift eagerness of Rimmer’s entry there was no pain when he entered him; just a deep luscious sense of completeness. There was a hunger and desperation in Rimmer’s movements, a firmness that was more satisfying than the gentleness Kriss had used with him – and she’d been right. The soft pliable heat of Rimmer’s cock felt amazing inside him, so much more intimate than the stiff ungiving rubber of the dildo. Someone, he didn’t know who, untied his wrists, and he buried his fingers in Rimmer’s hair, pulling him down into a ravenous kiss even as Rimmer buried himself in him, over and over. He gripped on to him, begging him to hold him tighter, fuck him harder, and Rimmer obeyed every fevered demand with gusto. Lister knew he wouldn’t last long, the pleasure and elation all too much, and it felt like he’d been needing to come for hours already, but in fairness he didn’t think Rimmer was going to last long either. When his cock started to throb and pulse, he didn’t even try to fight it. He didn’t care if he was being weak. He didn’t care if he’d lost this competition. He forgot to even pretend that this was competition. All he cared about was the fact that this felt amazing. He gave himself over to it, helplessly groaning “Oh god, oh god, oh god,” over and over as he came. When he opened his eyes, red-faced and spent, Rimmer was still grinding against him, staring down at him with a countenance of utter adoration. “I love you,” Lister panted, “Smeg, I love you. I love you so much.”

“Really?” Rimmer gasped.

“Yes.” Lister stroked his face and when he felt Rimmer coming inside him, he moaned with him in double satisfaction.

                Rimmer collapsed on top of him, his forehead pressed against Lister’s shoulder as they both gasped for air. Lister stroked the back of his neck gently. “Say it,” he whispered under his breath, “C’mon. Say it to me.” Rimmer propped himself up on trembling arms above him with a nervous smile.

“I think,” he said breathlessly, “I love you too.”

“You think?” Lister repeated, irritated, “You _think_?”

“Oh, smeg it all,” Rimmer flopped back down on top of him, hiding his face in the pillow but pulling Lister closer against him, “Yes. I love you.”

“Try and say it again without sounding pissed off about it.”

“I love you, you annoying little scouse git.”

“Not really any better.”

“It would be easier if we didn’t have an audience.”

                Lister looked round and saw Kriss and Nirvanah watching them from the couch in their dressing gowns with glasses of wine and big Cheshire Cat grins. He’d forgotten they were even there. “You boys are adorable,” Kriss remarked happily.

“Give us a minute, will you?”

“But this is so cute.”

“Please. Be a nice understanding girlfriend and go away for just a second.”

“So you can be alone with your boyfriend?”

“Yes. And take my boyfriend’s girlfriend with you.”

“You hear that?” Nirvanah said, with playful indignation, “We’ve been dismissed.”

“How rude.”

“Come on,” Nirvanah took Kristine’s hand and the two of them headed for the door. “Me and _my_ girlfriend will give you two some space.”

                When the door hummed closed, Rimmer finally looked up sheepishly from the pillow. “Let’s try this again, shall we?” Lister suggested softly. Rimmer looked back at him nervously.

“I love you,” he said finally. “I don’t quite know how it happened, and I’m not sure I’m happy about it, but there it is.”

“You really don’t do romance, do you?”

“This isn’t a terribly romantic situation.”

“No,” Lister conceded sadly. “I have a girlfriend. You have a girlfriend. We shouldn’t be doing this. We shouldn’t even want to.”

“We all agreed to this. I would feel worse if I wasn’t at least 60% certain that your girlfriend and my girlfriend are cheating on us as we speak.”

“Does that bother you?”

“Not as much as you and Nirvanah together does.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. I suppose because I want you both all to myself. Besides, I know you only have sex with Nirvanah when you’re smegged off with me.”

“That’s not true,” Lister protested guiltily. It was _almost_ true, but he and Nirvanah had enjoyed the occasional roll-about when their other halves were otherwise occupied.  “And it’s not like you’ve never shagged Krissie.”

“Kriss and I have never had sex without you two being around.”

“Really? Never?” Lister wasn’t that surprised, but the revelation made him feel worse than he already did.

“It doesn’t really matter. I don’t think either of us are in a position to complain.”

“No.”

Lister looked down, defeated. “This was supposed to be just sex,” he said hopelessly. “Fun. Stress relief.”

Rimmer sighed heavily, “I don’t know what you want me to say, Lister. If you want hearts and flowers then you’re going to be disappointed. I’m not that guy.”

“Really,” Lister replied stoically. Rimmer stood up and squared his shoulders.

“I don’t know what you’re being so moody about. This is a good thing, surely? You and I both know how we feel about each other and we can continue being together without needing to feel guilty about it. The girls know. They don’t care.”

“Doesn’t that in itself worry you?” Lister asked plaintively, “Don’t you feel like they should care? Just a little?”

“Right now I’m counting my blessings, Lister. I’m not going to rock the boat.”

“I’m not asking you to. I just…”

“What?”

                Lister stared at him. He didn’t know what. He’d told Rimmer he loved him and heard him say the same. Both of their partners had witnessed the declaration and given their blessing. He had no right to ask Rimmer for fidelity, and no real desire for it. What more could he ask for? He should be happy, so why was he sitting here filled with this awful desperation for something that he couldn’t articulate? “Nothing,” he said flatly.

                Rimmer clearly didn’t buy it, but let it be. “Do you want something to eat?”

“No,” Lister said emptily, “I think I’m going to take a nap. I’m pretty bushed.”

“Okay then. I’ll see you later.” Rimmer headed for the door.

“I love you,” Lister blurted out again. Rimmer looked back at him with an affectionate but stilted smile.

“I know,” he said, as if speaking to a child, “I love you too.”

                After he’d gone, Lister pulled the sheets over himself and curled up into a ball. He felt hollow. He had a girlfriend who loved him. He now had a boyfriend who loved him too. He had a fuck-buddy who was great fun and sincerely cared for him. He had friends and family and lovers. So why did he still feel like something was wrong? Why did he feel like something was missing?

 

Why was he lying here by himself crying?


End file.
